


you will always be in my heart, in my mind, and in your grave.

by sapphfics



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Death, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 00:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12024654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphfics/pseuds/sapphfics
Summary: Clary wishes she feltmorein death, but she can't feel anything but pain and Simon. If she's honest, she thought she might feel more heroic - she's dying in her best friends arms, in the place of people she loves (who never asked - she knows that she's selfish for doing this, that she's selfish for wanting to be a martyr) and, really, is there any better way to go? - but instead she just feels like Atlas if the weight of the sky was lifted from his shoulders. Nothing but relief because soon she won't be able to cause anyone harm anymore.





	you will always be in my heart, in my mind, and in your grave.

Clary wishes she felt _more_ in death, but she can't feel anything but pain and Simon. If she's honest, she thought she might feel more heroic - she's dying in her best friends arms, in the place of people she loves (who never asked - she knows that she's selfish for doing this, that she's selfish for wanting to be a martyr) and, really, is there any better way to go? - but instead she just feels like Atlas if the weight of the sky was lifted from his shoulders. Nothing but relief because soon she won't be able to cause anyone harm anymore.

"Stay awake a little longer," Simon urges, because he's under the misconception that she can still be saved, that someone with Valentine's blood running through their veins could really live a long and happy life.

"Simon, it's alright," Clary squeezes his hand, notices his bones have somehow grown weaker with death. "You're here, you're alive. That's all I wanted. That's all I ever wanted. I couldn't live without you, I was so wrong and I am so -"

"No! Don't talk like that, you're not -" Simon can't even bring himself to say it, doesn't want to imagine a world where she's cold in her grave. He knew he'd loose her one day, he just thought he'd have more time. "Clary, I can't do this, not without you, please don't die -"

"Simon, trust me, I'm gonna be okay. And so will you. I'll see my mom again and maybe even my brother. She'll be so proud of us, I know it. And don't worry, I'll say hi to your dad." Clary promises, smiling weakly, though he thinks that might just be because she's close to the end.

"Simon, when you get back, when you bring my body back," Clary almost shudders at the thought. "Can you do something for me?"

"You know I'd do anything for you," Simon repeats, just as he swore when he still had a heartbeat. "Tell me, please."

Clary takes a deep breath. "When you see Luke, tell him he's been a better father to me than Valentine ever could. Let him hunt Valentine down, let him take revenge. Don't try to stop him this time. Help him, if you can. Tell him Dot's alive, that he can save her too."

"Of course I will," Simon nods, listening intently.

"Tell Alec that even though we've had our differences, I want him to be happy. Even though he hated me. Don't lie, not now, I know he did."

The idea of talking to Alec, who Simon's pretty sure hates him, is somewhat repulsive. But he'll do it for her.

Suddenly, Clary laughs and it's so stupid because she's literally dying but she remembers being in Magnus' apartment when she was little, giggling whilst she played with one of his cats. She guesses mundanes weren't wrong, your life does flash before your eyes. "Magnus was always so kind to me. Tell him he has to be kind to himself, too. I know it's hard, believe me but -"

"I get it," Simon says. "I'll tell him to quit acting like a fifties housewife, while I'm at it."

"Good for you," Clary has no energy left to laugh, so she gives him a small smile.

"Tell Izzy I never meant to hurt her." Clary is sincere. "That I loved her, I always did. I'm not dying in vain. I know I was wrong for asking her for forgiveness just because I wanted someone to talk to, and I'm sorry. And tell Jace I'll never regret helping to save him."

"Izzy's going to miss you, y'know," Simon says and it probably doesn't help at all, but he can't seem to stop himself. "We're all going to miss you."

"I know," Clary acknowledges. "I'm sorrry it had to be like this." 

He's not sure if he's ever wanted to die more than in this moment.

He doesn't know what to do. There is nothing he can do. Even angels die eventually, and he won't be able to bring her back. Not without dooming her, just as she did to him. Perhaps, he might try and damn her to live forever with him, if she were anyone else, but she's his best friend and he wonders if this is what it feels like to be staked through the heart.

So, he decides to sing until he can't feel her pulse. To distract himself from the inevitable. Besides, she always loved watching him sing.

"You are my sunshine," He starts. His voice shakes, he's holding back sobs, but he can't let his last memory of her be obscured by tears.

If she were okay - and she would be okay (she would more than okay, living and breathing, not dying in his arms on a cold damp street) if he'd never taken her to that fucking club - she might look up at him and laugh. "Simon, are you seriously singing a sad meme?" But it's not funny at all because the life is leeching out of her and he can't help but feel responsible.

(Then again, if he hadn't parked outside the club, maybe he'd have some hope of seeing her again, someday. But he did and now he's doomed to walk the earth until the sun explodes.)

"That's beautiful," Clary whispers because it's all she can do not to close her eyes and sleep forever."One last thing, I swear: can you...bury me...in the human way? I mean, I know I shouldn't want that but. I don't want to have the Silent Brother's rip my soul out, like they did to my mom and make sure you play happy music at my wake or I swear I'll yell at you from the afterlife."

"I will," Simon feels her pulse going slower and slower. "I promise."

"Thank you, for everything." Clary closes her eyes and doesn't open them again, a smile hanging on her face, her hand going limp and cold in Simon's own.

Simon picks up her body and carries her to Luke's.


End file.
